


Tradition

by ericales (anenko)



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-25
Updated: 2007-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anenko/pseuds/ericales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes more than unrequited love to put down a good shinobi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tradition

Kakashi was already turning away. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I'm not interested."

Iruka was a good shinobi. He ducked his head, blushed, and hid the full depth of his disappointment in the trappings of polite embarrassment. Iruka had not expected--*hoped,* yes, but not expected--Kakashi to accept his invitation. That he had not was no surprise, but. . . being declined so firmly, so coolly, *hurt.*

Iruka sighed, and readjusted the already straight line of his shoulders. Such was life, Iruka reminded himself, and returned to his work.

*

Iruka measured his words and actions carefully the next day, and the next. Kakashi was a colleague, and a friend; that Iruka loved him did not need to alter what they already had--*would* not, because Iruka would not allow himself to fail anymore than he already had.

Iruka's smile was a practiced construction: friendly, but not too warm, never desperate. He did not stare after Kakashi's retreating back with longing, and did not drift into dreams. Iruka remained competent, and casual, and Kakashi eventually stopped avoiding him

Iruka was a good shinobi, and a better actor than anyone realized.

*

Iruka understood the importance of anniversaries.

"Please understand," Iruka said, "that today, I'm not asking you as a *friend,* Kakashi."

It had been a year since Iruka had confessed his feelings to Kakashi. It had been a year, to the day, since Kakashi had turned him down. Iruka had not spent his time pining for Kakashi, but--he hadn't forgotten, hadn't stopped feeling, and *hoping.*

Kakashi went still. "Iruka," he said, "I'm sorry."

Iruka shrugged, and laughed. "I hope you won't blame me for trying," he said, though Kakashi would not look at him.

*

Unrequited love was not the worst pain Iruka had ever experienced. Most days, it hardly hurt at all. Iruka had his duties, and his friends, and if Iruka sometimes thought of kissing Kakashi, it was an impulse he had quickly learned to control.

Iruka went home to an empty apartment every night. He didn't feel lonely. There were papers to correct, letters to write, and books to read. His routine was comfortable, well-worn, unshaken.

Iruka was content.

*

The third year, Kakashi was on a mission. He came in two days late: tired, and dirty, but whole and safe. He looked uncomfortable, but not at all surprised when Iruka approached him late that afternoon.

"Nothing's changed," he said. "Nothing will ever change."

"I know," Iruka said, his smile crooked.

He could not force Kakashi to love him, but. . . Iruka needed Kakashi to know that he still loved him, and always would. Self-indulgent, pathetic, but Iruka lived the part of Kakashi's friend all year long, but for this day. And how many people were left in Kakashi's life to say the words?

*

Sometimes, Iruka dreamt of Kakashi's hands, and the long, lean line of his body. He woke, breath short, and body tight. Those nights when pain of not having who he wanted was less pressing than the needs of his body, Iruka would close his eyes to an image of Kakashi's face, and gladly give himself up to fantasy.

Those nights were rare, an indulgence that tested the strength of Iruka's abilities when next he saw Kakashi.

It was easier not to think of Kakashi at all.

*

The fourth year, Iruka said nothing at all.

He could imagine spending the rest of his life with Anko, he loved her, and she deserved everything Iruka had to give her. His love for her was bright, and immediate, here and now. Kakashi was a low murmur in the back of Iruka's mind; never forgotten, but able to give way to the present.

"I'm happy for the two of you," Kakashi said, awkward. Kakashi understood tradition, and honoured those even those anniversaries that brought him pain.

"Thank you," Iruka said. He paused. "I'd ask you to join me tonight, but--"

"Oh," Kakashi said.

The dangers of tradition, Iruka thought, was how painful they were to break.


End file.
